WHY Do Abusers Succeed?

Have you ever met an abuser?Here are some signs of an abuser. Remember: “Forewarned is Forearmed.”

An abuser is someone who –   –   –   –   –(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser presses for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.</span

(2) JEALOUS: excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.” The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.
(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It’s always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, “You make me angry,” or “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”

( HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

(10) PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person “made” him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, “I’ll break your neck,” or “I’ll kill you,” then dismisses them with “Everybody talks that way,” or “I didn’t really mean it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHRIST SHOWED CONCERN FOR WOMEN’S UNIQUE NEEDS

The stories we read in the Gospels are so familiar that we tend to miss their significance.  Yet, Jesus’ interactions with women are truly revolutionary.  They directly challenge the view of women held in the first century.  And they powerfully affirm women who were restricted or held down on the basis of religious ideas that , Jesus by His example, decisively rejected. 

Jesus’ interactions with women affirmed the worth and value of women as persons, overturned stereotypes, and opened the door to new and fulfilling roles for women of faith.  Before we follow the example of the religionists of Jesus’ day, and deny significant roles to women today, we must seriously reconsider the liberation of women that the coming of Jesus clearly introduced.

       EVERY WOMAN IN THE BIBLE BY LARRY AND SUE RICHARDS

Did Juanita Bynum do the Right Thing?

On the homepage and “GREETINGS” page of the site here, there is a link to the Juanita Bynum & husband, Bishop Weeks brouhaha where he was on trial for violently assaulting her in a parking lot last year. There was a media circus about this with many revelations about the violence and sordid behavior in the marriage.  According to the article about the outcome of the trial, she was pressured by his grandfather to write a letter to the court asking for leniency in sentencing him. She wrote it and he got of very lightly. 

I think Juanita is in need of much spiritual and emotional healing. It’s ironic that she is a prophetess, but is not spiritually well.  In my opinion, she is definitely in no position to try to preach to or teach other women how how to conduct themselves in a relationship with their mate.  Primarily, she needs to work on her own healing and realize her VALUE, which she obviously doesn’t know.  When a woman realizes her value, she doesn’t allow a man to mistreat her repeatedly.  This is the main reason why this site is named “BEVALUED,” because we want women to focus a lot more on their value and learn to place a high value on themselves.  Jesus affirmed the value of women and in his teachings, we can see that he considered women and men as equals!  Yet many people in the society still come up with all kinds of reasons, explanations, and excuses for men who beat and mistreat women. Lots of pressure is put on women sometimes to forgive men for assaulting them or not press charges against the men.  No wonder Juanita and other women continue to let the men escape the punishment they deserve.

 Why does Juanita feel it’s okay for her to be any man’s punching bag? I believe it’s only a matter of time before he beats her again, but I hope I’m wrong.   According to articles I read about Bishop Weeks, this is not the first time he has physically attacked Juanita and he even attacked one of the female employees at their big church according to another article I read.  According to that article, this female employee was paid not to press charges.

I think there are many lessons for women to learn from the violence in this relationship. One of the many questions that comes to mind is: Were they equally yoked? I ask this because she was far more famous than he was when they met and this may have caused him to be jealous of her success.  What are some other lessons we can learn from this relationship?